White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
