He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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