I accidentally had phone sex last night
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
