Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
