You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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