He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize