Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
