If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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