I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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