Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
