i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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