So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
