you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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