Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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