I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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