And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
