It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize