oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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