I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
