Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
