My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize