wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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