Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
