butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
