I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
