So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
