You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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