ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
