even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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