Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
