the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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