I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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