Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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