If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's shark week go big or go home
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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