i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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