Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
