Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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