i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
