What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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