My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
