Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
