I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
