Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
