I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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