i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
