There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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