I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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