just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
