Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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