He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
