Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
