omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
