My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
