You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
