i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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