The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
