You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
