Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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