When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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