I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
