Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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