did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
