he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
