Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
