You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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