Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
